Friday, August 05, 2005

Dear John,

We think you are amazing. But we're not gonna call you "K Doctor." We hope you understand.

Nats Fans


This morning, I watched a segment of "Imus in the Morning" on MSNBC. Imus has this guy (Rob Barlett, I think?) who does second-rate, Limbaugh-esque celebrity parody songs. The guy now comes in-studio, dressed as various public figures of various disciplines (Alberto Gonzales, Jack Nicholson, etc.), and does pretty fair caricatures, usually right before a commercial break. I guess they pay the guy.

Today, the guy was playing Hulk Hogan---why, I don't really know---with a heavy emphasis on the "Yeah, Brotherrrrrrr" aspects of the Hulkster's syntax. Imus quickly picked on the theme that the guy has a very different, uh, physical stature than Hogan. He asked, "What the hell happened, Hulk."

Perhaps fittingly, I was watching this segment while reading a Washington Times article about Jose Guillen's aches and pains. Remember back when Guillen was calling teammates out for not being a man and playing in pain? Sure you do. Well, what the hell happened, Jose?

Guillen, who is the Nationals' top power hitter with 19 home runs and 58 RBI, has been plagued by a sore shoulder for the past month but has played through the pain. Yesterday, though, it became unbearable, and he had to shut himself down. Guillen is listed as day-to-day.
"It's really, really sore," Guillen said. "It's just dead. It just doesn't feel like my shoulder is there."

I'm not trying to make light of Guillen's physical troubles, because when he bears down, he's a pretty good player. Nevertheless, it's interesting where Guillen says he can improve:

"I've got to learn to shut it down when it's really sore," said Guillen, who is hitting .299 with a .506 slugging percentage. "When was the last time I hit a really long fly ball? I don't know."

Define irony: Ryan Church, who was called soft by quite a few people (fans, columnists, and presumably Guillen) for coming back slowly after ramming himself into an outfield wall, was in the lineup to replace Guillen.

I think ¬°YURASKO! put it best: "Jose Guillen has given up on being a tough guy because his shoulder is hurting so much."


Notice to everyone who likes to throw crazy crap up on Wikipedia: Hurry up!

You know what would sound better? Doctor K.

That seems awfully familiar though.

I've got some more Bill Ladson approved nicknames:

Jose Guillen: "Swat Sultan"

Nick Johnson: "Horse made of Iron"

"Terrifico" Tony Armas

Jamey Carroll: "Hustling Charlie"

John "Five Finger" Patterson
Swat Sultan . . . I like that one.
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