Friday, March 25, 2005


Only edifying thoughts for this lovely Friday; why, it's raining, and I forgot my lunch today, and I had to go outside to the ATM and get a crummy sandwich---but that's okay

I hadn't realized it, but upon reflection, I've been a fount of pent-up rage here recently. Maybe that's the modus operandi for our, uh, literary genre, but it ain't really me. Why, I even told Pittsburgh's beat writer to go to hell the other day. (Not that he'd ever know, but that's besides the point.) Okay, so I told him to do so "kindly"; nevertheless, though, it's not something I'd want to admit to my Sunday School students.

(Pause. Yes, I actually do teach Sunday School; well, I don't know if I actually teach the 11th and 12th graders here anything, but sometimes I try. Why, I bet I'm the only guy ever to frame the Great Schism in terms of an East Coast-West Coast rap rivalry. Anyway . . .)

Well, being a caustic jerk isn't my style. If I'm going to tell you that you're an idiot, I'll do so far more subtly, probably a) because I'm not an incediary guy, b) so that I don't look like a jerk, and c) to retain plausible deniability of a sort when you come back and say, "Are you calling me an idiot?"

So, I'm reserving one day a week to wipe the slate clean. Consequently, welcome to the first-ever "Happy Thoughts Friday" here at Nationals Inquirer. I intend to stick to it without reservation. Let's try the concept out:

a) It's Friday, March 25, and there's still no television deal? Why, that's okay; after all, let's put the thing in context---there are starving children in China.

b) Thinking prospectively about this, it's the last Friday in April, and Endy Chavez is hitting .258/.293/.332, and he's the primary lead-off guy. The pitching is generally strong, but the offense just can't get in sync. Barry Svrluga asks Frank Robinson what he's going to do to shuffle the lineup around, get things going. (Hint: Endy.) Robinson says something like, "Endy's waiting for good pitches to hit, he's making good contact, just a bit unlikely right now, and besides his speed can really disrupt a defense." Hey, that's super! It's Friday!

c) It's the late Friday in July, and Esteban Loiaza is 11-7 with a 4.68 ERA. Some teams have expressed interest in Loiaza's services; they've offered some B-grade prospects. But Bowden is resolute. "Esteban is a rotation anchor," Bowden tells the Washington Times. "I intend fully to sign him to a multi-year deal. He's proven this year that he's earned the commitment to our first-class organization." Awesome! I'm going to the beach anyway!

And so forth. I can do this.

I'll leave this entry with a motivational ending. Jeffrey Hammonds' bat has looked uglier than a Rancor without braces, and he's got a date with Cafe Du Monde. But, by golly, he's gonna make it back to the big leagues. He just knows it.

And I fully support Jeffrey's quest. In fact, I'm rooting for him to tear it up in New Orleans and earn a regular spot in the majors again, maybe as the lefty-mashing half of a left field platoon.

Yeah, that sounds good.

So let's give Jeffrey our best thoughts. If he works really hard, he can end up back in the majors---back here, maybe.

Great way of thinking! If there's one thing I've learned from watching old Monty Python movies appropriately timed for this day, it's to Always Look On The Bright Side of Life!
Can you be a "fount of pent-up rage"? I mean, if it's pent-up, then what exactly are you founting?

Thank about THAT for the weekend.

Happy Easter!
Can you be a "fount of pent-up rage"? I mean, if it's pent-up, then what exactly are you founting?

Yes, only in a Michael Bay film can you find such rhetorical riddles. ;-)
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