Friday, March 18, 2005

Dial "N" for "Nothing"

It's raining in Viera; fat guys in suits like to hear their voices. What else is new?

Well, Peter Angelos hasn't shot himself in the foot in four whole days, which is noteworthy, I suppose. But that doesn't mean his so-very-maganimous offer to allow the Nats to be the undercard on his oh-so-vast television network is being noodled silently by MLB. No siree . . . uh . . . Pete. Or "Bob" is just as good, too, actually,
if Eric Fisher's article in the Times is any indication.

That's because Seligian consort Bob DuPuy,
aptly dubbed "Grimace" by Capitol Punishment Chris, is having none of this stuff. Two points here:

1) Since I'm reliving college this week, I might as well share my ever-lasting image of "Grimace" (the "real" one) and why it fits for DuPuy---generally, at least. You see, my college buddy Harry Haas hated, hated, hated Grimace from the cheesy McDonald's commercials. Why? Who knows. Harry also has a tremendously vivid imagination. He would, egged on by our requests, create increasingly bizarre scenarios of Grimace's death. Some were more grisly than others, but my favorite has to be the drive-by shooting. You see, the Hamburgler would cap Grimace good. Grimace would fall to the ground, surrounded by a collecting pool of blue blood. Ronald McDonald would discover Grimace's body, just too late as it were, and shout at the top of his lungs, "YOU BASTARDS!!!" (This was before the similar "South Park" line, by the way.) Just perfect.

2) Nevertheless, we're all cheering for Grimace DuPuy as admirers of the strange marriage of (in)convenience known as the Washington Nationals. So he can hold on to dear life a little longer, if it were up to me. By the way, back to Angelos, sometimes the best way to expose a person for what is he is not by screaming, "Liar!" Sometimes the best method is just offering a simple factual statement and letting other minds connect the dots. DuPuy does so wonderfully here:

"Peter expressed his view," DuPuy said.

Yep. That's it; no need even asserting that "Peter's view" blows. Anyone who cares and is honest about it knows already.

---What's the difference between sportswriting and blogging?

Well, there must be many of them, but I'd imagine a hard-and-fast one is demonstrated by Barry Svrluga in today's PG-13 "Nats Journal" entry:

And the Nationals will face ... Kris Benson. It is a challenge to write even one sentence about Kris Benson and not mention his wife, Anna. See, I can't do it without writing about Anna. I'm trying to write a sentence about the Mets' righty without mentioning Anna, who has an exuberant ... uh, personality. Remember how earlier this offseason Anna said on the Howard Stern show that if Kris ever cheated on her she'd sleep with everybody else on his team, including the coaches and clubhouse attendants? The notable exception:
sports writers. It shows that she is far wiser than she comes across.

See, my everlasting image of Grimace, if you can call it an image, is the random thought monologue about the character in Stephen King's Cujo.
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